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It’s time to beat the old bad customer service drum again. I know, I’m sick of beating the drum, too, but as long as bad customer service runs rampant through so many businesses I feel it is my entrepreneurial duty to bring it to your attention. So grab a pen and prepare to listen to the sermon I’ve preached before: bad customer service is the bane of business. If the Almighty smote down every business that dispenses bad customer service, the world would be a much friendlier, albeit much sparser place. Consider a world without malls and fast food joints… would it really be so bad?

What puzzles me most is if bad customer service is such a death knell for business, why do so many businesses allow it to go on? Don’t they read my column, for Pete’s sake? I think the problem is that most bad customer service is doled out (or at least condoned) by business owners and managers who have ceased caring what their customers think. When you stop caring what your customers think it’s time to close the doors. Go find a day job. You’ll make someone a wonderfully disgruntled employee.

My latest parable of lousy customer service was actually experienced by my better half while attempting to buy my daughter a pair of basketball shoes. I won’t mention the name of the sporting goods chain store in which the bad customer service took place, but I will tell you that its name is similar to the sound a frog with hiccups might make.

As my wife waited for someone to assit, the four or five teenagers who had been charged with manning the store stood in a clump at the cash register giggling and flirting with one another as if they were at the prom instead of at work.

When my wife pointed out this fact, one of the employees, a cheeky lass of 16 or so, put her hands on her hips and said, “How rude!” The males in the group didn’t react at all. They were too busy arguing over who could take a break so they could chase other cheeky lasses about the mall.

Needless to say my lovely bride, who has the ability to instill fear into the hearts of even the most worthless employees, left the gaggle of giggling teen idiots standing with their mouths open in disbelief. How dare a customer tell them to do that with a pair of basketball shoes?

As much as I bemoan bad customer service I celebrate good customer service. It should be applauded and the purveyor of said good customer service should be rewarded for actually delivering satisfaction to the customer, above and beyond the call of duty.

So let me tell you the story of my new hero, Ken. I won’t tell you the name of the store in which Ken works, but let’s just say they started out selling radios in a shack somewhere long, long ago.

I first met Ken when I went into the store to buy a mixing board for my business that records audio products for the Web. In a nutshell, you plug microphones into the mixing board then connect it to the computer and you can record audio directly to digital format. Totally beside the point of this article, but I didn’t want you thinking that I was purchasing non-manly cooking utensils.

When I got the mixer installed it didn’t work. So I boxed it up and headed back to the store to return it. When I told Ken my problem he didn’t just grunt and give me my money back as so many bad customer service reps would do. Instead he asked, “Do you mind if I try it?”

“Knock yourself out,” was my reply, confident that if I couldn’t get it to work, neither could Ken. Ken took the mixer out of the box and went about hooking it up to one of the computers on display. He started pulling power cords and cables off the display racks and ripping them open and plugging them in. He tore open a new microphone and an adapter and kept going until he had the mixer hooked up and working. Yes, I said working. It turns out the mixer was fine. I just had the wrong power adapter.

Ken could have just given me my money back and been done with me. Instead he spent 15 minutes and opened a number of other packages that I was under no obligation to buy just to help me get the thing working.

I was so impressed that I not only kept the mixing board, I also bought another $50 worth of products. And the next time I need anything electronic guess where I will buy it? Even if it costs twice as much, I’ll buy it from Ken.

Now here’s the moral of the story: if you are a business owner who has a gaggle of teenagers in charge of customer service at your store you would be better off replacing them with wild monkeys.

At least monkeys can be trained.

At one time or another, all of us have been aggravated by bad customer service. The complaints are familiar: the dry cleaner who refuses to accept responsibility for staining your shirt; the salesperson who talks to a friend on the phone while handling your transaction; the hotel clerk who treats you like a trespasser instead of a guest.

The list goes on. And it happens all the time. Poor customer service is so rampant in this country that we’ve come to expect it.

Maybe that explains why most disgruntled customers don’t bother to complain to organizations that don’t give them quality service, they simply take their business elsewhere. They’d rather walk than talk.

Yes, I know, you’ve heard this before. Just as you’ve heard about the research revealing that unhappy customers do talk to their friends and family. According to customer satisfaction research studies, the average unhappy customer will tell nine or ten people about the poor service he or she received. In other words, large numbers of dissatisfied customers are routinely deserting organizations that displease them and are encouraging their friends to do likewise.

It’s a familiar message. You’ve heard it, your children have heard it, your dog has heard it; for the past few years everybody has heard it. Service excellence! That’s what consumers need!

Companies have certainly heard it. All sorts of organizations are striving to improve their customer service orientation. Hotels, hospitals, airlines, and online businesses now flood their customers with service quality surveys. Everywhere you look you see customer-contact people with service theme buttons on their lapels. Companies spend millions on training programs aimed at improving their employees’ service skills. Customer service has been woven into the fabric of so many corporate credos you’d think abrasive employees would be an extinct species by now.

Yet despite all of this, only a handful of organizations have managed to achieve a standard of consistently excellent service. For some reason, it just isn’t as easy as it sounds.

I think the problem is this: A lot of companies operate on the basis of some pervasive myths that make it difficult if not downright impossible, to achieve first-rate customer service.

1. The quality myth

“Pay attention to quality, and customer service will take care of itself.” Many organizations focus a lot of effort on manufacturing quality. Quality gurus like W. Edwards Deming, Philip Crosby, and Genichi Taguchi have helped hundreds of companies use techniques such as statistical processes control to increase the quality of their products dramatically. But these efforts are often thought to be the sole answer to remaining competitive.

Reality: Quality and service are interdependent. It’s impossible to describe quality adequately without considering it from the customer’s point of view. If your product can’t do what your customer wants it to do, it doesn’t matter if your engineering department is proud of its innovative design and your manufacturing department can boost a terrific production record.

Even if you measure product quality from the customer’s point of view, however, that alone does not ensure customer satisfaction. A superbly manufactured product with poor sales and service support will breed aggravated customers. How many products have you vowed never to buy again because of the poor service you associate with them?

Organizations that pursue quality improvements as the answer to all their problems are misguided. It is only part of the answer. Without superior customer service, efforts to improve product quality will be wasted.

2. The complaint myth

“Good customer service is a matter of knowing how to handle complaints.” “Call 800-111-2222 or contact us at www. customerservice.com if you have any complaints.” “Let us know if you’re unhappy with your room; we’ll change it.” “Please fill out this form. We want to hear from you.”

Companies have poured millions of dollars into making sure their customers have a chance to complain, complain, complain. The problem is, many of these companies never make strategic use of the complaints. And more often than not, they fail to provide complainers with satisfactory responses.

Reality: Without resolution, or at least some response, customers’ complaints are just so much hot air. A company that focuses solely on complaint handling may win a few battles, but it will lose the war to keep customers satisfied. And this approach is no solution for the great majority of dissatisfied customers who never complain, but simply walk away.

Superior customer service involves much more than handling complaints. It means striving to provide customers with no reason to complain in the first place. Strategies aimed at consistently meeting and exceeding customer expectations are a must for achieving service excellence.

None of this suggests that you can forget about complaint handling, but it must be an integral part of a broader service strategy. Well-managed companies see customer complaints as a way to learn: What lesson can we derive from this complaint that will improve our service in the future? Successful companies also see complaints as opportunities to impress customers by going to any lengths necessary to resolve the situation to the customer’s satisfaction. In other words, successful companies pay attention to complaints, but dedicate most of their efforts to preventing whatever caused the complaints in the first place.

3. The quick-fix myth

“Good service is simply good common sense.” Many organizations try to take the easy road to improving service. They believe that by adopting a new service policy, introducing a new training program, or giving stirring pep talks to their employees, they’ll become known for their excellent service.

Reality: This is the most lethal myth of all. As we’ve seen, it’s not easy to achieve service excellence. There are no shortcuts or quick fixes. Organizations that build their reputations on service do so by observing not just one, but every “reality” there is to providing excellent customer service.

Good training without adequate selection is a waste of time and money. Carefully selected and well-trained service employees who are not empowered to look for ways to improve customer service quality are a waste of precious resources. Good service comes only from a well-executed, coherent strategy. All the pieces of the puzzle need to be in place.

The way we treat customers, listen to their needs and strive to meet their expectations will make the critical difference. We can continue to perpetuate the myths. Or we can face the realities, and take action to change.